White-Out

White Out/Liquid Paper

If life were made of words, print on pages, ink on paper, I would be more careful to write mine out. I wish I had a brush, to white-out the mistakes, the chapters that took a horribly wrong turn. But then, I'll see that spot, the pale blotch in the midst of everything else, and it would call more attention to it.
To forget something, to pretend it never happened, makes it painfully more obvious. How do you brush over it, rewrite, backspace, and move forward? How do you just ignore a typo and continue?

I can't ignore my typos. Both literally and figuratively, I can't just overlook those mistakes. But I can't just brush over them, either. So I sit here, staring at the backspace tab, wishing I could just redo the entire thing.
I'm not good at shitty first drafts. They say to be a good writer, you need to accept that it isn't going to turn out good the first time. But I can't accept that. I can't handle doing it badly the first time, because the concept of how I could have done it haunts me.

Why do all my posts turn out like this? I have so many different prompts, so many different opportunities to do better. But they keep turning out like this - insightful in the most morbid ways, discouraging, quiet.
If I can't be honest in my writing, though, I don't know where else I can. Honesty is the trait we deny ourselves, and it's the one thing that allows us to heal.

I need to heal. I need to stop looking at the backspace key, and I need to move forward.